Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize