your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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