Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
