2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
