Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
