Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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