I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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