We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
