i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
