Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
