just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
