you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The uberlube is also flammable
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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