I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
