i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
