The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
