You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
