dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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