she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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