I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize