Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
