I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
