she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
