dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
