You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
