Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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