I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
