I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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