WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize