drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
