I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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