Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
