And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
