The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
