I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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