I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
