shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
