hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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