Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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