Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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