I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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