My cat gives me a boner
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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