After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
