It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
