did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
