Only a mothe r could love this liver
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize