I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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