There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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