I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
