better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
