Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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