so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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