I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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