I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
