Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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