You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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