yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
