Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
