I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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