I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
