so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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