Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
