he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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