Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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