uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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