i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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