dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
