Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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