Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
